"I don’t want to do today" was my first involuntary thought as the alarm clock made its callous announcement.
There are days you hate before they even happen. Today promised only slog, and the need to deal with complex problems was a certainty. It was a day that would require concentration at high levels, and a strong effort to root out the cancer of worry. As I drove to work I began praying (...After I passed through the school zone, because safety first) and asked God for the grace to handle the situations of the day, whether by my efforts they improved or degraded,
"God, come for me today. Strengthen me for this battle."
The sunrise in the picture above is what I saw as I cleared a hill and was about to accelerate to the highway speed that would be the pace of my entire day. I normally don’t notice, but today the scene above me was arresting...the work of an artist who appeared unsatisfied with perfection.
Through the windshield I witnessed perfection being reshaped, recolored and reframed. Like a desperately thirsty man I had to drink in more beauty so I pulled over on the frontage road, got out of the car and leaned against the hood to witness. “This masterpiece is for me” I thought. When I accepted the gift, my heart and my day softened and were reframed in beauty like the sky hemming me in.
Now...I know...people will claim that a shooting star, a parking spot right by the entrance or a long-coveted item found on sale are signs of God’s favor. These conclusions are easy to dismiss. However, I believe a bigger folly is choosing blindness to the extravagant generosity and attentiveness of God to speak to us all the time and in any creative way He chooses. We will surely be held accountable for thinking him too small. Or too busy. Too selfish. Too limited. Too impersonal (see Matthew 25:24). Was this not Adam's sin?
But this morning God was speaking to me through the pink hues, the soft blues, and slowly brightening sky. He told me I was not alone, and further, never would be. After actually disciplining myself to stop the car, get out and acknowledge, out loud, his mastery over my world and my day, my strength was bolstered. Over the years and in life's haste I may have missed a thousand of these sunsets. But not today. Today I heard him loud and clear.
I am generous.
I am lavish.
I am in control.
I've got your back today.
Standing outside my car with phone camera in hand to take this crummy picture, I felt "improved" for the moment. Remarkably equipped for the whole difficult day. I'm not saying my day was easy. I simply knew I was not alone.
I grew up thinking as most of the world does that God is largely inaccessible and hard of hearing. But my personal experiences are suggesting the opposite is true. It is He who is pursuing us to find us largely inaccessible and hard of hearing. I am faithful to seek God’s face when there's drama, distress and darkness, but God is asking for far more. I’m discovering God gives Himself freely, every day, and in every moment.
In my weariness, in my dreams, and through every story that touches my heart, I am made aware I am actually groaning for Him.
"We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies."
-Paul to the Romans, Ch.8
Papa,
Give me Your eyes to see your signposts and your ears to hear the limitless ways you speak. Waken me from my slumber. Illuminate my entire life.
You are life, and I groan for you.
Every day.
Every where.
Every minute
-Son